walking through dark cave

Nov 11, 2014

I promised to reserve more time to write and complete it. 

Recently I found myself wandering around and quiet exhausted to find nice materials to fuel my passion. 
The earliest signal I find about myself's in this stage is that 

1) I do keep morning workout but I do not push as hard as I can  and that crumbles some part of my ego
2)  having hard time keeping high efficiency at work that makes me feel less good about myself. 
passion gauge is low is that my not  
3) Every seconds of my life becomes dull and hard to engage myself excited with any activity. 

Yesterday, I was writing about my admiration for those good looking model in old age on Channel 5 Youtube advertisement under the attempt to rejuvenate  my motivation force. 

...how admirably it is for them to be able to take full control of molding themselves in better/best version of themselves which can display on your appearance and which i believe somewhat reflect the state of your life..(It's like a apple, you can tell by its appearance and fragrance to distinguish good apples from others)

and then recently i stumbled upon TedTalk talking about flow. 
http://www.ted.com/talks/mihaly_csikszentmihalyi_on_flow

Flow is the happy moments in your life you fully absorbed in the activity 
and forget how time passes. 

In order to obtain that happy zone, one needs optimum balance of skills and challenges on some activity.

Yes, I need to build my skills to enjoy the flow on sketch?..

 One of way to get out of your 'depleted motivation zone' is volunteering. So I did volunteer as mule runners for my old running teammate running 100m OxfamTrailwalker.

The main role of mule runners is relieving both concrete and abstract burden from the race-participating runners so that race-participating runner can exude their potential through out the journey.   

It's kinda noble job and highly recommend to try but you got to be strong physically. Since when the race-participating runner carry almost 0 -500 g weight, mules  are carrying minimum 3kg upto 5 kg water + other gear and be able to keep up with the fast runners. 

It's been my 2nd time to participate OTW as mule. it's amusing to observe fellow runners putting themselves in the Challenging zone with high running skill combined. I wonder if i looked like them when i was running and getting support from mules. (I remember i was..)

When you put yourself in 100km distance race with challenging goal, you acts like you are the Center of the world. Well you should, you should focus on yourself to manage 100km journey victory.  

So now my physical state is a little bit thrown away feeling some fatigue from 20km mule running. 
but  I do not sense much emptiness as previous few days. 

"Violet" Movie review

Movie: Violet

Director:Luis Berdejo

Cast:Junio Valverde, Leticia Dolera, Carlos Bardem

I found this move is well narrated two different ways of pursuing ‘Love’.

Like Alex, he got totally smitten by one image of an unknown woman and decided that he is in love.

I feel a bit nauseated to see this sort of scene. How dare he can define he is in love? 

I would say, he was strongly attracted to the one image and without any concrete purpose, he wants you invest his energy to find and meet her.  (it does not have to be defined as ‘Love’)

But it also explains about how some people would like to define love. Like we are more excited night before the first school-picnic day, we get more excited by falling in love with an image/idea of a person rather than the real person. It’s much easier and your love can be more fantasized.  That’s why some people have problem in having a relationship but like keeping on dating in shallow level.

No reality can beat your own imagination. That’s why art exists and we(gosh, i call myself artist) constantly have an attempt to compete against the imagination of yourself or future and, as the result, we get better at it.

Later Alex realize what type of love he wants to have for his life. The love he should put effort to understand & accept the other human the way they are and able to enjoy the continuous interaction. That’s what Alex’s best girlfriend did supporting his journey to find the girl of the photo.

I think there is time in your life that you just do not want to face reality but keep on chasing the ideas.

I am not criticizing this phase of human behavior at all and we need this sort of time to be able to construct the kind of your own imagination that you would like to have in relationship with your a temporary or long –term life partner(s).

I also like the fact that the movie win over my skeptical attitude at the beginning. At the end of movie my skeptical attitude toward initial motif changed to ‘however a stupid idea or waste of time it may sound on what you want to do, you got to have gut/belief to move forward based on your own unique desire/emotion in the heart.

It’s common that sensing what we want is hard task but it is one of necessary skills you need to keep on sharpening to keep you life ‘alive’. It’s easy we get cluttered with much expectation from society, your boy/girl friends, work, media, etc.

To me, it sounded absolutely a waste of time for what Alex did and did not approve of his initial motivation. But at the end of the movie, after witnessing, the creative adventures he went through, the level support he got from his friends and strangers, the connection he regain with his deceased grand father and making new friends, and the level he could push forward himself to in absolutely dark cave, not knowing where it’s going  makes all worth of the journey.

I found this is what may have been missing to me and some of us in our child hood. So easily we do not allow our-selves to chase after desire by emotion.  But it’s important process to keep in order to reach and be connected to deeper oneself and allow this unknown force to lead you to the unexpected world, see how you handle this and, after all, this sort of experience help mold your character unique with much more spirit and energy in your life.

pensive morning by tapping musics by raindrop

Gentle sounds of raindrops hitting on the wall glass facing South Sea China “tat ta da tat ta…  ” at the back of my desk

Sounds of peaceful mouse clicks here and there, thoughtful yet rhythmic tapping keyboards from random location

Enjoying the warmth on my two hands from ‘self made soy latte ‘and combined aroma of coffee and soy bean,

Caffeine delicately does its job lifting me to swirl around all these Wednesday morning orchestra at my office.

These little simple things that we can pay attention to and make our lives more love-able and enjoyable.

Rainy Wednesday morning office

Wish myself to be manage to improve my sanity, fitness, energy to be able to enjoy this little things in our lives with our sense.

Thoughts on Aug 13, 2014
Only 4 days after freshly married to the man I love.
and my husband’s first business trip with his business for TMBT in Malaysia.

Fluttering to fly but..Do I have wings?

Fluttering to fly but not sure if I am supposed to be a bird but I am going to try anyway

According to WHO (World Health Organization of 2013), female south koreans’  life expectancy is 84.6.

I am glad that I realize it not too late that the life is amazing thing that I can mold myself/my life just the way I want to with the right price, which could feel like suffer require  time and discipline, I decide to pay.

For me to truely believing in this and feel this way, looking back,  I think I went thru below steps and i believe few others that i did not listed.

 

1) You’ve got to make yourself genuinely believing in yourself and respecting and loving yourself.  

One of ways to make you to love yourself, at least it works for me, you need to play a bit rough with yourself.

First give yourself a chance to break the shell you’ve been reared up/protected from/by your family members and beloved ones

Second, accept yourself with all your weakness, shortcoming, as well as strong traits. Well this part will come with ages a little bit.

Third, continue to give yourself daily small challenging tasks(time to time big challenges as well) you must concentrate 100% to acheive and you are exposing yourself to witness you are winning over nature resistance. (e.g. like running. Running can be interpreted as constant fight against gravity to force speed. Yeah show the nature force of nature that you are the winner. )

from this sort of experience you will slowly believe that  you have the power to create changes against resistance and thus far you can create  ‘Miracle’ as long as you give 100% of your mind and discipline

One more, you got to be brave enough to accept the fact that whatever it happens in you or around your life your decision to respond to that whatever dramatic event will re-shape you and lead you to a new path.

so getting back to molding my own life, recently

I decided to get Personal Trainer certificate since Taking care of my physical and mind  fitness level  is one of things I enjoy in my life.

and i thought it will be amazing if i can help generate positive changes in others life doing things what i enjoy.

So I invested HKD 7,800 and my time to target to get certification of (NASM) National Academy of Sports Medicine from  which you are exposed to  comprehensive knowledge of  basic Human Body Science, movement science, Training program, nutrition, upto how to run your own fitness business.  It’s 5 weeks program with 3hrs lasting once a week workshop. After the workshop you got to pass exam to be able to obtain the certificate.

Yay, I achieved  ‘the certificate’ but nothing happened 5 days after earning it . I realize that I need to  traction if I want to make something happen in this area of my life since i am just So green in this.

I decided to dedicate 1year of my leftover 50 some years to learn more about human body, fitness, and how I would feel providing this service to fellow human friends.

Which means it will take my time away. Yes my some precious time wil be taken away for this goal.

I guess It’s nature to feel some resistance of the changes to my ordinary but only 1/50(2%) with a chance of I may really enjoy and it could be my unceasing source of joyment in 50 year.

12months go all IN! : D

Ok.  So this is my plan

1)      I offered a free session to a male friend I met at gym 60min lasting once a week session from Feb – Mid Apr.

2)      Next goal is finding another female human fellow to offer a free session of my trail from Mid May – Aug

3)      Also I am thinking of earning another certificate thai massage, or sign up for Nutrition course.

My adventure to New land just started. excited for the unknown! : D        

why 10 km challenge early in Sunday afternoon? why not easy breezy cappucino with brunch?

I did my first 10 km at the Clear Water Bay with Romain Last Sunday Jan 13th, 2014.

It started with steep uphill of around 1 km which made me think is this is not even running.

It’s more like walking but much forced effort of running posture.

 Also I immediately think why people want to do this ‘Running” that make you feel out of breadth and muscles are forced to move when you get more gravity.

You just feel more how powerless and heavy you are against all the natural force on you.

But you move forward because you signed up for 10km. Your Central Nerve System decided that this is what you planned to do or want to accomplish.

And I need to wear a hat of conductor to manage my skeletal system and mind to be corporative to my conscious decision lasting 1 hour, only 4.2 % of 24hrs.

Often this does not limited to “Exercise” it extends to our daily life.

We plan things to accomplish to be a better person, or the person I want to be, to make our life more richer and fuller the way I want

But we hit the wall of natural force/resistance called habit.

And if we have less power to manage and control our skeletal system and mind to achieve what we want to achieve,

That’s the time when we start feeling losing control of our life. Feeling hopeless in your life. Feeling used by others. If you are not strong enough, it’s so easily influenced by others who are stronger then you and chances are you are creating more chance you will be used by other persons (unintentionally or voluntarily) or environment.

We are by product of time or environment. We are what we want to be.

I decide to train myself with this belief to practice to make my life filled with healthy, happiness, love and passion.