walking through dark cave

Nov 11, 2014

I promised to reserve more time to write and complete it. 

Recently I found myself wandering around and quiet exhausted to find nice materials to fuel my passion. 
The earliest signal I find about myself's in this stage is that 

1) I do keep morning workout but I do not push as hard as I can  and that crumbles some part of my ego
2)  having hard time keeping high efficiency at work that makes me feel less good about myself. 
passion gauge is low is that my not  
3) Every seconds of my life becomes dull and hard to engage myself excited with any activity. 

Yesterday, I was writing about my admiration for those good looking model in old age on Channel 5 Youtube advertisement under the attempt to rejuvenate  my motivation force. 

...how admirably it is for them to be able to take full control of molding themselves in better/best version of themselves which can display on your appearance and which i believe somewhat reflect the state of your life..(It's like a apple, you can tell by its appearance and fragrance to distinguish good apples from others)

and then recently i stumbled upon TedTalk talking about flow. 
http://www.ted.com/talks/mihaly_csikszentmihalyi_on_flow

Flow is the happy moments in your life you fully absorbed in the activity 
and forget how time passes. 

In order to obtain that happy zone, one needs optimum balance of skills and challenges on some activity.

Yes, I need to build my skills to enjoy the flow on sketch?..

 One of way to get out of your 'depleted motivation zone' is volunteering. So I did volunteer as mule runners for my old running teammate running 100m OxfamTrailwalker.

The main role of mule runners is relieving both concrete and abstract burden from the race-participating runners so that race-participating runner can exude their potential through out the journey.   

It's kinda noble job and highly recommend to try but you got to be strong physically. Since when the race-participating runner carry almost 0 -500 g weight, mules  are carrying minimum 3kg upto 5 kg water + other gear and be able to keep up with the fast runners. 

It's been my 2nd time to participate OTW as mule. it's amusing to observe fellow runners putting themselves in the Challenging zone with high running skill combined. I wonder if i looked like them when i was running and getting support from mules. (I remember i was..)

When you put yourself in 100km distance race with challenging goal, you acts like you are the Center of the world. Well you should, you should focus on yourself to manage 100km journey victory.  

So now my physical state is a little bit thrown away feeling some fatigue from 20km mule running. 
but  I do not sense much emptiness as previous few days. 

"Violet" Movie review

Movie: Violet

Director:Luis Berdejo

Cast:Junio Valverde, Leticia Dolera, Carlos Bardem

I found this move is well narrated two different ways of pursuing ‘Love’.

Like Alex, he got totally smitten by one image of an unknown woman and decided that he is in love.

I feel a bit nauseated to see this sort of scene. How dare he can define he is in love? 

I would say, he was strongly attracted to the one image and without any concrete purpose, he wants you invest his energy to find and meet her.  (it does not have to be defined as ‘Love’)

But it also explains about how some people would like to define love. Like we are more excited night before the first school-picnic day, we get more excited by falling in love with an image/idea of a person rather than the real person. It’s much easier and your love can be more fantasized.  That’s why some people have problem in having a relationship but like keeping on dating in shallow level.

No reality can beat your own imagination. That’s why art exists and we(gosh, i call myself artist) constantly have an attempt to compete against the imagination of yourself or future and, as the result, we get better at it.

Later Alex realize what type of love he wants to have for his life. The love he should put effort to understand & accept the other human the way they are and able to enjoy the continuous interaction. That’s what Alex’s best girlfriend did supporting his journey to find the girl of the photo.

I think there is time in your life that you just do not want to face reality but keep on chasing the ideas.

I am not criticizing this phase of human behavior at all and we need this sort of time to be able to construct the kind of your own imagination that you would like to have in relationship with your a temporary or long –term life partner(s).

I also like the fact that the movie win over my skeptical attitude at the beginning. At the end of movie my skeptical attitude toward initial motif changed to ‘however a stupid idea or waste of time it may sound on what you want to do, you got to have gut/belief to move forward based on your own unique desire/emotion in the heart.

It’s common that sensing what we want is hard task but it is one of necessary skills you need to keep on sharpening to keep you life ‘alive’. It’s easy we get cluttered with much expectation from society, your boy/girl friends, work, media, etc.

To me, it sounded absolutely a waste of time for what Alex did and did not approve of his initial motivation. But at the end of the movie, after witnessing, the creative adventures he went through, the level support he got from his friends and strangers, the connection he regain with his deceased grand father and making new friends, and the level he could push forward himself to in absolutely dark cave, not knowing where it’s going  makes all worth of the journey.

I found this is what may have been missing to me and some of us in our child hood. So easily we do not allow our-selves to chase after desire by emotion.  But it’s important process to keep in order to reach and be connected to deeper oneself and allow this unknown force to lead you to the unexpected world, see how you handle this and, after all, this sort of experience help mold your character unique with much more spirit and energy in your life.